Funhouse
by purple.leather.gloves
Summary: This story is named after Funhouse by Pink cuz it inspired me. Two bad ass crooks cross paths with our favorite hero and villain. Will love triumph over good and evil? Will the line be drawn between right and wrong? Batman/OC Joker/OC ON HIATUS sp?
1. The Killer Thieves

**Lexii's Note: Hey this is my first story so don't be cruel. Umm disclaimer... Batman and all its characters belong to DC Comics except for Audrey and Alex. So don't sue. :)**

A shot rang through the air. Everybody in Gotham Central Bank suddenly changed from quiet, sophisticated people to helpless, scared cowards with only the thought of survival on their minds. I looked over at Audrey and without warning we erupted into laughter. Bank jobs were always fun.

"Everybody! Eat the floor. Now!" I yelled using a fake high voice with a slight British accent. I made my way to the vault with a bomb that Audrey and I had so cleverly put together. It was small but very powerful. I stuck it to the vault using some scotch tape. I let out a high pitched giggle (part of my disguise). It was funny that such little things could be so dangerous. I walked back to the main room as I didn't want to be caught in the explosion.

Audrey had her back to me and was pointing her MI6 assault rifle at a young woman who was quietly trying to sneak out the door. Audrey wore a pink tank top, light green mini mini skirt and rainbow leggings. She wore a slicked back short black wig and she had on a black leather trench coat and light blue combat boots. Her fake blond eyebrows were closed together to just make one brow and her lips were dark red. Audrey was using an Indian accent and talked in a low voice which made her look a little funny considering what she was wearing. "Now, now honey, you heard my partner. She said EAT THE FLOOR!!!" She yelled the last part and startled the woman. She turned around abruptly and Audrey shot her between the eyes. I smiled. You don't mess with Audrey. I walked towards her, kicking some cringing people aside and pointing my GP 35 at others.

"Hey Aussie (that's her favourite shampoo), the bombs planted. You get the money. I'll keep these people in line." As I said that there was a small boom from the vault. The bomb was detonated. Audrey nodded. She slung a black TNA bag over her shoulders and strolled out with a fake strut. A watched some of the male heads turn to watch her swaying hips. I grinned and shot each one of them in the leg. Audrey was more into a fast killing. She felt guilty as soon as she hurt somebody. I was different. I liked watching people suffer and watch the life leave their eyes.

I walked around the bank glaring at a few people who dared to look at me. My footsteps echoed against the marble. The whole bank was silent. I caught my reflection in one of the pillars and nodded approvingly. My 5f 9 curvy shape stared back at me. I wore an electric blue wig. My face was covered in white paint except for my lips which were black. I looked like a really hot mime. I wore black leggings with a black mini shirt over them and a stripped white and black hoodie. I wore white 6 inches heels. Audrey had the exact same body shape as me. We were the killer thieves. That's what everyone called us. The cops, reporters, other criminals; Audrey and Alex, the killer thieves, nobody knew our names though or who we were. We stole everything and anything and killed anyone who got in our way.

I was so busy thinking about our reputation that I didn't notice a large dark shape creep up behind me. It slammed my head into the marble in front of me and knocked the hand gun away from my reach. It didn't knock me out. My past taught me to withstand pain and even enjoy it. I heard whispering from the hostages; "Oh thank God!" "It's batman!" "It's Gotham's dark knight!"

I rolled my eyes and stood up quickly. I smiled at the batman. "Why hello, batboy! I don't believe we've been properly introduced." I swiftly dodged a punch he threw. I tsked and shouted, "Oi Aussie! Get out here. There's somebody you should meet."

She came out carrying two big, heavy, black duffle bags without even struggling. She strutted her strut but stopped when she saw Batman. Her mouth spread into a wide grin, "Well, if it isn't the infamous batman. It's about time that we met."

I stepped next to her and together we bowed and said, "We are the killer thieves." I looked back up at him only to see his gaze fixated on me. And we stood there looking at each other. I could've sworn I saw those eyes before. Being a little uncomfortable, I decided to look at one of the duffle bags that Audrey handed me.

Audrey was biting at her bottom lip to keep from laughing. She always found men's fascination with women hilarious. "Red, (my street name) we gotta go." I could the laughter in her voice. I rolled my eyes and together we turned and ran for the back exit where the white minivan was parked. Audrey turned her head slightly backwards to see that batman was just an arm's length away. She gasped slightly and tripped on the toe of her combat boot. She fell forward and batboy fell on top of her resulting in a very doggie like position. I couldn't take it. I stopped running and collapsed next to a wall in a fit of giggles. She shot me a glare. But I couldn't stop. Yea that's right who's laughing now!!! "HAHAHAHA!!! Oh HEEHEEEHEEEHEE!"

"Red! Help me!" She sighed.

"What! Oh yea." My voice was shaking. I was still unable to control my laughter. I shakily raised my hand and shot Batman in the foot. Let's see him chase us now. I helped Audrey up. She steadied herself on my shoulder. Her ankle was broken. "Nice one Aussie." She punched me hard on the arm which made me laugh some more. "Oh shut up!" I laughed all the way to the van, and when I helped her into the passenger seat. We left batman trying to stand up and using the wall for support.

I sped out of the alleyway and towards our condo. The drive was very long and Audrey ended up falling asleep with her feet resting on the dashboard. The whole way there I was silent, thinking about batman. Where had I seen those eyes?

About an hour later, I pulled into the underground parking lot of our building. Audrey was still sound asleep so I left her there. The lot was completely deserted. No cars. It was Friday night and most of the tenants were in their 20's. They were probably all out clubbing. The lot was damp and wet. The only sounds were my steady breathing, my footsteps and water dripping. It didn't scare me though. Sometimes, I needed to be alone. Just to clear my head and flip through some thoughts. But it was different right now. I felt as though I was being watched. I felt unsafe and vulnerable. In horror movies, people always die in deserted parking lots. So, I ran back to the van, slung Audrey over my shoulder and carried the two duffle bags in my other hand. Audrey wasn't heavy and I had muscles so it wasn't a problem for me.

I was lucky everyone in the building had left or it would've looked really funny. There I was wearing a funny disguise carrying two big bags filled with money and carrying an unconscious girl.

**a/n pls review. i want to know if I should continue this or not. I wrote this a while back and I dont know if its any good. So yeah.**

**Oh and R.I.P. Michael Jackson King of pop and Heath Ledger!**


	2. Jack what?

**Disclaimer: Batman and all other character from The Dark Knight belong to DC comics.**

General POV

Alexandra Merino walked down the brownstone steps hastily. She ran as carefully as possible in her classic black three inch work heels to the streets. She waved her hands frantically trying to get a cab. Why was it so hard to get a taxi in Gotham City?

"Damn it! I'm gonna be so late. Dan's gonna kill me!" Finally a cab stopped in front of her. She hopped in. "Gotham Inquiry Studios. 86th and 7th please", she said the cabbie.

This used to be a funhouse but now it's full of evil clowns, her iphone sang out. Alex noticed the driver giving her a funny look. A funny picture of Audrey was displayed on the screen.

"Hey Aud! Wasup?" Alex tried to talk a do her makeup at the same time.

"Hey Lexii! Your boss called. I think he's pissed. He wants you to go directly to Wayne Enterprises instead of go to the Inquirer."

Alex was confused. "Umm you know I love snooping around at your work. You know, the whole secretary thing is very exciting but why does Dan want me to do that?"

Alex heard Audrey give an exasperated sigh over the phone. "Come on! Stop playing! I know you didn't forget about the interview with the hottest richest playboy in town!"

Alex smacked her now glossed up lips. "Ha! I didn't set up an interview. You must be h...." It must have been Jack. This was her revenge for being late all the time. How could he! He knew she despised Bruce Wayne. He had enough money to at least try to help Gotham but no! He just went to his parties and sleep with a bunch of girls. She did an interview with him once and she nearly died. The questions were stupid. The answers were stupid. The whole thing was just fucking stupid.

For about two years now, Alex had been doing her best to get into more serious work. Right now, she was a gossip columnist for The Inquirer. She would do interviews with celebrities and take about the latest parties. What she wanted to do was get in depth coverage of the latest crimes. Being a criminal herself, she was very interested in the different ways people broke the law.

"Whatever Lexii! Just get your skinny ass over here. You're already late and Bruce is waiting. You're lucky he likes you." She didn't wait for a response. Audrey hung up.

"Sorry cabbie. New destination; Gotham Enterprises." Great another interview with Bruce Wayne. She pulled out her mirror and did her bed head hair.

"You know, you're very brave to have that ringtone", the cabbie said to her.

Alex gave up on her hair and pulled it back in a rubber band. "What are you talking about?"

"Hey you're Alexandra Merino from Gotham Inquirer. My wife reads you're column every day. Anyway, now a days, no one really wants to hear anything about clowns. You know, with the Joker escaping from Arkham."

"Yeah yeah. I'm real brave." The only time Lexii was actually happy was going against the rules.

The cab halted to a stop in front of the correct destination. She really wasn't in a hurry to meet Bruce Wayne again. So, she walked her normal pace to the elevator. She and a tall dirty blond guy were the only ones waiting. They exchanged glances and both gave a small shy smile. These small glances continued the whole ride up. They both got off at the top floor. He was a gentleman and let her get off first.

Alex's POV

Gosh, this guy was cute. I couldn't believe my shy side was coming out now. He let me out first. I smiled at him appreciatively while I walked and lucky me, I stumbled on my heels. I heard a small laugh coming from behind me. I could feel the heat rising to my face. I laughed nervously.

"Hey you alright?" His voice was deep and filled me with a warm feeling.

"He he yeah. I'm fine. I'm just gonna watch my step and maybe I won't embarrass myself anymore."

He placed his hand on my lower back to help me regain my posture. Only, he didn't know that it was sending tingles all over me. "Don't worry about it. It just proves your human right."

I moved a stray strand of hair away from my face. "I'm sorry?"

He smiled. "Well, perfection isn't a human trait. I'm glad you're human. Easier to get to know you." His hand was still on my lower back while we walked. I hardly noticed though. I was mesmerized by his face.

He noticed me staring and I felt myself get redder. "Get to know me. How?"

He smiled shyly. "How about you find out later tonight? 8 pm by the docks."

I smiled large and bit my lower lip to stop it from getting any bigger. I giggled which was so unlike me but whatever. "Yeah okay I'll see you there. Umm?"

"Jack. My name's Jack." He held out his hand.

I took it and shook it weakly. "I'm Alexandra Merino. Just Alex. Or Lexii. Or Zanni. Whichever you prefer." We stared into each other's eyes with our hands still attached. Yes, it was a corny moment but who cares.

I didn't know how long we stayed in that position but then a heard a surprised voice say my name. "Lexii? Why are you just standing there? Bruce is waiting for you?"

"Huh?" I turned my head to see Audrey. "Aud! This is um... this is Jack." I couldn't believe that I was actually blushing.

"Oh hi." Jack had the same affect on Audrey as me.

"Hi. I'm here to see Bruce Wayne."

"Oh okay have a seat in the waiting room please." I noted she composed herself faster than me.

"Alright thank you. Ms. Um?"

Audrey smiled warmly. Everybody was smiling today. "Ms. Angier."

Jack turned to me. "So, I'll see you tonight?"

I felt like I had melted on the spot. I stuttered out a small yeah. He smiled and nodded at me and opened the door to the waiting room. "Wait! What's your full name?"

He turned around abruptly. "Jack Napier." Then, he continued into the room. Audrey and I didn't say a word until the door closed.

Aud was the first to speak seeing as I was still not thinking clearly. "He's yummy."

I blushed. "Uhuh."

**A/N: pls review. I only got one so far and I'm kinda disappointed. This chapter kinda sucked but I'm kinda outta ideas. The next one will be better though I promise. **


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